Is it Normal to Cry This Much? And Other Questions I'm Asking Myself About Grad School.

When I wrote this tongue-in-cheek question, it marked the fifth day in a row I've cried. I'm not particularly sad, but I am in grad school. )This may or may not explain things to you.) I feel that the word "overwhelm" is a good way to describe how I feel about right now, which is towards the end of our two-week midterm period. 

I also ask myself, usually on a daily basis, why you would pay nearly $18,000 a year at a top-ranked university merely to sit in class and mess around on Photoshop on your laptop during your lectures and discussions. I also question why someone would zone out for most of the lecture on her laptop (very obviously) and then pop in by raising her hand at an opportune moment to make a comment that has NOTHING to do with what we're discussing merely so she can get participation points. Correct me if I'm wrong, but do our professors not have PhDs? I think they can tell when you're not paying attention. 

On a more serious note, it saddens me that people do this. I get that a lot of people have LOTS going on - working full-time, kids, etc. (Although, to be honest, I have not yet seen a person whom I know to have children messing about during class - they're the ones always paying attention and participating.) But you are about to embark on a career that is one of the most emotionally challenging in the world. It would behoove not only your grades but the legions of people who will become your clients if you paid attention. You may have all the experience in the world as a case manager with a BSW, but the people you are paying to teach you have friggin PhDs! They do know a thing or two. Even if it's only one nugget per class, I always come away with a bit of added wisdom.

I'm not saying I'm squeaky clean - I ordered an online CSA subscription in my most recent kinda boring policy class. Hey, what can I say? No one is perfect! We all zone out sometimes. Sometimes it's at really inopportune times, like two weeks ago when my most challenging client was on minute six of an incoherent rage about their nurse and then paused like they wanted feedback and I had no idea what to say. Eeep, BAD time. HOUSTON, EARTH TO HOUSTON!?!!?!? REDIRECT, REDIRECT!!!!

Ok, so like I'm not a saint over here. I'm just saying when you're in two of my classes and in both you never once look at the professor but are tap-tap-tapping away on your keyboard, it's rude. And disheartening, frankly. 

I KNOW this is a blog about inner strength and superpowers. Sometimes the only superpower I have feels like a negative one - my unerring ability to make a constant stream of snarky comments in my head at annoyances. These snarky comments tend to uptick when I am tired or hormonal - not a shocker. 

Luckily, this weekend should involve more sleep than the past two weeks have (OH LORD PLEASE LET IT INVOLVE MORE SLEEP THAN THE LAST TWO WEEKS HAVE) so maybe next week, I'll cry less and my nice-person superpowers will return. Hopefully I'll be a bit kinder in my internal thoughts. 

Until then, though, Girl-who-was-on-photoshop-in-policy-for-three-hours-straight: I'm watching you.